Eliot the Lad

Disclaimer: This is under a copy right agreement with my manager JM, any copyright may result in me filling your head with another unforgettable blog in the near future!!

When I think of a famous poet, my first thought is some posh tart who thinks their shit doesn’t smell. This may be a rude way to put things but in the simplest form, it’s bang on. Poetry is something that doesn’t really interest me but having a top-quality lad writing about some pretty rad things, it makes it a whole lot more entertaining. Imagine reading some bloke’s poetry, who takes entertainment from setting firecrackers off between people’s legs in meetings, or the good old whoopee cushion trick. T.S Eliot is an American-British poet, essayist, publisher, playwright, literary critic and editor. BUT……. Most importantly he was an all-round genuine bloke, someone who you would happily sit down with and have a cold fresh bottle of…. water. Some of Eliot’s poetry that was actually semi-decent include the titles, “The Hollow Men”, “The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock” and “The Wasteland.”.

LM1

 

So now you know what a top-quality bloke he is, here are 3 subjects T.S Eliot explores, those boring poets that make you want to snooze don’t even bother talking about.

  1. Sex

Sex, it’s the subject that you don’t expect your middle-age teacher to stand in front of a class. Did Eliot think of this when he wrote these poems, Nope! Would Eliot laugh in his grave if he knew, Yep! To make this situation even more spicey, Eliot was possibly a homosexual. A homosexual talking about straight sex in his poems, that’s evidence he is a top-quality bloke.

 

‘The change of Philomel, by the barbarous king

So rudely forced’ The Wasteland

 

Eliot is such a lad here he hasn’t used allusion to relate to Greek Mythology. What a Cheeky Bugger!!! I really hope he has included this in his bibliography or his English may have given him a fat 0!

 

This here is a quote from Eliot that is a bit inappropriate and relates to the “Rape of Philomel”. This is a myth from Ovid’s Metamorphoses. Rape is not a topic that is not popular in the poetic world as all the poets want lush romance to blossom in their writing. But we are not talking about any old poet here. We are talking about the one, the only T.S. Eliot, the lad. Eliot is known for giving zero fucks if anyone understands or doesn’t understand his poetry and this is something he made well known during his illustrious career. A part of being a lad is not caring about anyone and doing what they want. This is typical lad behaviour, with the subject of rape not even stopping the great man talking about sex.

 

So you may ask a question about why this quote is included? It is a way Eliot can talk about sex. Yes, sex. What do all lads love to talk about? Sex. So by Eliot using an allusion to the ‘Rape of Philomel’, he is just being a lad and talking about sex because he can.

 

“Well, if Albert won’t leave you alone, there it is, I said,

What you get married for if you don’t want children?” The Wasteland

 

I know this is a big no no according to some people but the convention used in this quote is rhetorical question. I’m still waiting for the answer to this question and if Eliot the lad wasn’t dead then I would ring him up and ask him why she got married. So far since last week I’ve tried calling T.S Eliot 64 times and he is yet to answer. I wonder does he not like Pomi Rangas, if so how Ranga-ist of him.

 

 

So let’s paint a little picture to add a bit of context to the quote to make it look a perfect quote for what I’m talking about, just joking with you it’s a perfect quote but I’m still going to set the scene.

 

Two ladies sitting in a pub with ice-cold water and then the conversation turns a bit spicy. One of them starts to talk about their partner, Albert. She doesn’t want kids but her partner Albert.

 

‘What do you get married for if you don’t want children’ represents the strong feelings associated with the conversation between the two females. Albert’s strong sexua desires are portrayed creating the ideology that Albert keeps his partner just for his sexual pleasures. Albert ‘won’t leave you alone’ is because if she leaves him, how is Albert going to have his sexual fantasies achieved?. He won’t!!

 

Eliot uses this type of sexual activity to fit into the way of a lad, this is the behaviour of a lad who doesn’t want to be tied down with a partner and just wants to have some freedom. However Eliot is a homosexual, so he can’t portray this. However, is he really homosexual? Is he using his poetry to hide his true feelings? Well sadly I don’t have time to explore that, but maybe I’ll choose that as my topic when I fail year 12 and have to repeat next year.

 

So there you have it, above you have 2 quotes that proof T.S Eliot (which stands for Thomas Stearns Eliot, not titty-sex Eliot) is a lad at heart deep inside. Poets are normally people who love a good romance gossip which ends with a happy ever after, but not Mr Eliot. He is a deep-down lad who loves to talk about sex because he can and because he doesn’t have to be a typical poet because that’s boring and doesn’t fit into his character.

LM2

Please be entertained by Mr Grey’s body with the sexy head of TS Eliot

 

  1. Screws Religion

Religion is a belief if something. Something that gets jammed into your head without any control of what’s going on. Religion may be something that occurs when your parents decide that they don’t want you anymore and they wish they had aborted you. So they decide to give you up to a man to hopefully drown you, by dunking your head in the water. T.S Eliot was religious, I don’t know by which means above, but he was a religious man deep down. Even if he is a religious man, in his poetry, he gives a big screw you to religion.

 

 

“What are the roots that clutch, what branches grow

Out of this stony rubbish? Son of man,

You cannot say, or guess, for you know only

A heap of broken images” The Wasteland

 

T.S. Eliot has stolen this quote straight from the book of Ezekiel. ‘Borrowing’ is an act of a lad but this isn’t related to the point of this section so I’ll move on to my argument and not ‘WAFFLE’. However for all you Lit nerds out there this is another occasion Eliot alludes to another text.

 

Stony rubbish? Is God relating the beautiful world we live in as “stony rubbish”? Now that’s a bit rude. In the olden days when T.S Eliot grew up, there was no tv, no PlayStation, no iPhone 11 max x sr and whatever you call it, the only document that was readily available was books, with the most common being the bible. People in the past had total faith in the Bible, and this faith allowed them to think that everything in their lives happened for a purpose, which us reading that now know that’s not very true. Us in 2020 with COVID-19 and with how shit the Fremantle Dockers and Adelaide Crows are, we know the bible is only ‘A heap of broken images’.

 

This quote brings up the problems in the belief of god and T.S Eliot uses this to question the actual worth of god in his poetry and gives big stuff you to religion.

 

 

“I will show you fear in a handful of dust.” The Wasteland

 

This right here my friends, is a quote that has religious connotations. But Eliot is a lad and probably didn’t give a fuck on that it crap because we know from his context, he actually couldn’t care less if you could understand his poetry or not!!

 

 

This quote here is actually quite humorous. This quote is biblical allusions and relates to the idea that according to the Christian funeral service, every person starts out as dust, then returns to dust when they die. Now that’s quite funny because I learnt during sex Ed in year 7 that humans did not form that way. Is this a cheeky dig at religion? I think so. Maybe T.S Eliot’s parents gave him the ‘talk’, yes the ‘talk’, and yes I’m relating to the conversation that ruins your childhood dreams about your mum giving birth to an egg, and this ‘talk’ made Eliot question and ridicule religion throughout his poetry. T.S Eliot is a lad there’s no question about it, and it is evident with him ridiculing the way the human anatomy works.

 

Religion, the serious topic which allows you to classify yourself as anything you want. Me, the author, has a religion of football. Eliot was religious but he let his lad side come out of him and is evident with the way he ridicules religion is his poetry to allow his lad side to well and truly come out.

LM3

Enjoy a picture of Jesus with the sexy head of T.S Eliot.

 

  1. He Has An Eye For Pretty Girls

 

All typical lads love a girl and most lads love chasing girls round like a dog and bone. Lads normally are the cool scandalous boys that the pretty girls like. T.S Eliot is gay but that doesn’t stop him exploring the idea of talking to pretty girls in his poetry. Eliot really lets his inner lad ambitions out in his poetry with the following two quotes.

 

 

“Here is Belladonna, the Lady of the Rocks,

The lady of situations.” The Wasteland

 

 

Are you ready for a quiz question? Your answer is probably no, but that’s okay I will still tell you the question and the answer.

 

Q. What’s the stereotypical language of love?

A. Italian

 

Did you get that right? I’m sure you did.

 

Yes, Italian is the language of love and Eliot uses that to let his inner lad out. ‘Belladonna’ means “beautiful lady” in Italian. Wow, you’re naughty Eliot, using a different language to release your lad attitude. Eliot uses the image of a beautiful woman with the spiritual beauty of Christ’s mother. Eliot then furthermore expresses his deep uncontrollably desire for pretty women by bringing up Leonardo da Vinci’s painting, The Madonna of the Rocks.

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Eliot uses the above image to create a direct connection between the virgin Mary’s sexy looks and her moral beauty of being a family man

 

To say Eliot is homosexual, he well and truly uses his poetry to let out his deep down attraction to being one of the lads.

 

 

“I have heard the mermaids singing”

 

Some people who may take classic pieces of literature seriously, would straight away go Bang!!, metaphor, that’s something that can’t actually happen but is being stated it can in the poem. However for someone like myself I couldn’t find a language feature if it hit my smack bang in my face !!!

 

Have you ever seen a male mermaid? I’ll give you a second to think! No! I didn’t think you would have.

 

Even though this quote doesn’t directly relate to females. I reckon Eliot the lad is still thinking about pretty girls.

Aaa

“Singing” is a feminine activity widely known for the big female artists. Barbra Streisand. Katy Perry. And my favourite Taylor Swift. Also one last question? Have you ever seen an ugly mermaid? Nope! All mermaids have long luscious locks and look like they have undertaken a tonne of plastic surgery.

 

Even with a quote that does not directly relate to females by the diction used, Old Mate Eliot can’t help himself by talking about pretty girls.

 

So there you have it, Eliot can not control his desires to be a lad and makes that well known with the way he portrays a woman’s beauty in his poetry.

Does being gay stop Eliot talking about pretty girls in his poetry? Nope

T.S. really wants to be a lad and one of the boys and that is created by the way he writes his poetry.

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Mr Eliot with the attractive lady, Margaret Atwood

 

 

Well there you have it, my friends, there are 3 reasons why T.S Eliot is a lad at heart in his poetry. In the introduction, I stated all the reasons he was but to get 6 out of 6 marks on the marking key I had to relate it to his poetry. I did it to the best of my ability, will it mean I will get 6 out of 6? Nope, will I still probably fail? Yep, oh well. I really hope you enjoyed reading this wonderful piece of literature, and yes I know the New York Times are chasing me for my articles as they are top quality content but sadly I’m with a poor service provider that blocks overseas calls.

 

Over and out

LM

 

(Until I maybe fail this year and maybe have to write again next year).

One thought on “Eliot the Lad

  1. There are some decent laughs to be had while reading this, especially if the reader knows who you are and appreciates the little digs you have at yourself. It probably needed another edit or two before being posted, though, with a focus on expression as well as a look to expand on your discussion of the texts. You are stylistically on point but your content hinders you.

    Like

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